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Saturday, December 4, 2010


    So I was watching Bridalplasty or whatever new show there is that has brides getting plastic surgery in order to compete for a – wait for it… - wedding of their dreams! Mind you, these aren’t fat chicks either… although one was on The Biggest Loser, it’s nothing that a mile run in the morning couldn’t fix. Well… because I know that these girls are going to look worst in the end rather than good (and even if they don’t, their personalities are horrible), I figured I would write a list of those characters that went under the knife and came back… odd..

    Now sadly, the list contains some all-time classic favorites and ofcourse, some others. Let’s have a look of the finishing look, shall we?

Crash Bandicoot

    I hate to say this… but who is that re-re to the right? It looks like what would be Crash Bandicoot in the 90’s if he wasn’t already there in the 90’s… you look at the first character, he’s simple, built looking, and ready for an adventure that would make Indiana Jones blush. The one on the right? The graphic artists, or “the aesthetic experts of the gaming industry”, pretty much screwed him up, and I wouldn’t go on an adventure with that creep if the game was given 10/10 stars. The pants and the pose shows he’s trying to be “culturally hip”, and the way he the lacing in his shoes shows he’s off-beat and doesn’t follow the beat of everyone’s drum, the goofy expression is supposed to be a slap in the face of “fun goofy guy with the rad hair you want” , a make-over that didn’t need to be done, but was done based on the fact that the developers thought that kids would be more attracted to this character. Morons.

Legend of Zelda – Link

    I understand that the impostor to the right to suppose to be for the DS version... but seriously... since when does Link wear eye liner and look like something that hopped out of NickJr? Umm.. never, the dude slays spiders and can fight, atleast I hope so, he's been doing it since 1987? This is.. or was one of my favorite characters until the DS got a hold of it.. those who love Link are more likely to have known him back in the 80's and the kiddos (like me) know him on the N64... we watched him grow up and go through childhood and manhood collecting details and pixels throughout his life.. and it took one idiot system to take it all away. You take a giant leap over the Grand Canyon and you get pushed all the way back by a termite.. the DS being the termite..

    Every Popular Game - Mario


      What the hell, Japan? What did you do!? Look at his face! You could bounce a brick off that baby. While old Mario consists of about.. 5 pixels and is only 2D, I like him better. You don't have to focus on lame expressions or being distracted by how many hairs are in his mustache.. everything is simple, and the game has insane replay value (even today, it's a classic). Marios games these days? They sell, but there's about 8million different series, and even more than 1,000 games in each series.. seriously, how many Mario Parties are there? I don't know, I haven't been to them all because they keep getting pumped out like cow milk... from an immortal cow. I understand times are going to keep going, graphics are going to get... "better" and characters are going to get make-overs, but is a mega-botox injection needed every year?


  So.. I guess I'm just realizing that Kazooie is a girl, which is fine, nothin' wrong with that, but when did Banjo freakin' join the Jersey Shore Whore cast? When did he get the giant bangs sticking out of his head? I guess bears just like growing out their hair and having it spiked a yard away from their head. These guys kinda put me in a bad mood now.. if I play this game, I'm ready for an adventure, oh yes... but Kazooie looks miserable and Banjo looks like he's more interested in playing a ukulele and smoke a banana leaf soaked with steroids. A better make-over would've been nice.. the game is about adventure and fun, Kazooie doesn't need to look sultry-ish and Banjo.. he looked better before.


     Why yes,that is a blank space right next to an photo of a horrible looking character made by.. Nintendo. Now, while I'm sure all gamers can come together and say "there's a list of characters that should have never been created", this guy makes the list, because from an aesthetic stand-point (which is what this post is about), he would've looked more attractive by not existing.. seriously, the word would be a happier place. This character got made because the big shots at Nintendo thought Wario needed a partner in a game.. you know what I would have done? I would've saved money by not having Wario in the game and dodging the concept of creating a character that NO ONE cares about, and probably a character that most people have never even heard of in the first place. Wario is stupid enough.. there doesn't need to be two of him. End of story.

     I wish companies who have characters that are loved (by millions) would put out a poll, or even a contest to have people decide what the character should look like. No one wants to see a cartoon Link, no one wants Pedo-Mario staring them down. And I've seen other lists like this.. who have Bomberman and Street Fighter characters, and while they're HUGE transformations, they're not that bad... although Bomberman kinda got murdered and had some mechanical weirdo take his place, but oh well.

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